How do you feel when someone tells you no? Maybe sad and uncomfortable? You should try to considered “no” and “not yet yes”. Because with “no” room for negotiation available. And “no” is better that “yes”. Why? Here’s all what you need to know.

In book “Never Split the Difference” available unique point of view on how to deal with “no”. Author is a FBI hostage negotiator. This alone makes this book a masterpiece. But for me the most surprising was chapter 4 Beware “yes” – Master “no”. I used to believe that “no” it’s not negotiable. Until I read this book.

Pushing too hard to hear “Yes” doesn’t get you any closer to a victory. And “No” it’s the starting point of negotiation. In many countries “no” considered rude and inappropriate. That’s why you will hear “yes” but things will never be done. There’s three type of “yes”: counterfeit (easier to tell “yes” in order not to deal with you anymore), confirmation (reflexive response to black or white question), commitment (rare type of “yes” when things have desired outcome).

When you hear “no” it can often mean that person is not yet ready to agree; that need more information on this topic; that person don’t understand what exactly you want (even if you feel that you have explained in details); maybe person prefer to discuss it with someone else, etc. When conversation starts with “no” that provide a great opportunity to clarify what both parties really want.

In negotiation (work, business, with better half, with kids) saying “no” makes person feel safe, secure and in control of situation.